Decided to try and revisit the blog... So many random things happen here in France - I really should jotting down the story - but as usual time is at a premium around here. So I will just try note some crazy experience from the day/week/month as I can.
The kids are 1.5 years into French school which has been quite an enlightening experience for all of us. They have found their way and have made plenty of friends. It has been an adjustment for everyone - in so many ways. I will never 100 percent understand French culture but having our kids (and therefore the family) immersed linguistically and culturally through school and friends has given me an interesting view on the culture - and how it compares to my own American culture.
What got me to thinking about the blog was all the fuss about French parenting that has been in the news following from the book Bringing Up Bébé. I haven't read the book yet but it basically details the strict nature of French parenting and the well beahved kids. I must say the commentary on the book has been interesting - quite a bit from people who seem to know nothing about France. Much of the book (as many books on France) seems to draw on the Parisian experience of an expat. In fact, I even feel a bit silly stating an opinion on something that I observe on a daily basis but do not have the true cultural insight to understand. But I will say that I find parents here do fall on the side of strict and the kids (in front of adults) are quite well behaved in many situations.
Just as the author, I do see some differences. We (Americans) are soft on our kids. Yes I threaten. Yes I take things away. But this doesn't come close to what I have seen with many of Seth and Fiona's friends. The expectations are high. Good behavior/manners/respect are all requirements. And it is up to all adults to make sure that the kids follow through on the good behavior. I regularly have the kids' friends over for lunch and I always ask the parents what they will eat - or if there is anything that they might not like to eat. The answer is always the same - they will eat what you serve them - and this is true (for the most part...none of the French kids I have over will eat avocado or guacamole..they try but the result is always the same - total disgust). They parents also give me free license to discipline the kids and they mean it. And the kids know that other adults will discipline if need be.
It seems that much of society here is on the same page when it comes to parenting - or at least being strict when needed. Seth was recently invited to a birthday party - he was quite looking forward to it. The day before the party the boy's mother was standing at the school gate explaining that the party had to be postponed and handing out apology letters. Quite nice of her I thought. I asked if the boy was feeling OK (assuming he was sick). She gave me a puzzled look. I quickly read the note which was quite lengthy but the crux was 'il m'a insultée et manqué de respect'. He disrespected her? So I asked what he did. 'He said a bad word...' she responded. I didn't dare ask what the word was. I have always threated 'I will cancel your party!!!' but have never had the balls to follow through. I was amazed that this woman actually followed through on something like this. All of the other parents were in agreement and nobody (except the kids) was very upset about the two week party delay. I asked one other mom if she thought it was harsh - she said 'Of course not - it is great that she did that. How else will he learn to respect his parents'. Of course I know plenty of strict English speaking parents who follow through with the threats and have very strict boundaries but it just doesn't seem as widespread in the US as it does here - or maybe that is just my perception. I doubt I could ever cancel a birthday party the before...
This is just one of the many times I have seen parents here get so serious with kids - be it their own kids or other kids. I had to get into it with a little boy who had punched Seth in the face so hard he drew blood. I wasn't sure what to do but I had witnessed other parents shake up (not physically - but close) kids and give them a good scare after an episode of bad behavior. And then there are the teachers...don't even get me started. There are certainly some serious boundaries in the classroom - and if you step out of line you are in some dangerous territory.
I am not sure how I feel about all this. Is there a balance? Do kids here grow up with too much fear? Do we let our kids get away with too much? Are the French too strict? I sometimes feel like I am too strict with the kids but these people make me look like Captain Kangaroo... Does this happen in the US? I haven't really had any parenting experience in the US so I have very little to compare it to... I guess we will continue to learn in our own way.
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