our alsatian adventure

tolerance

I am starting to realize that my kids can tolerate a bit more than I did as a child. At least the squeamish animal stuff in life...

For most shopping needs I head to the local hypermarket - the French created them and have perfected them. At the same time many (but certainly not all) small shops still sell their products to the public. I tend to buy my bread from the local baker, cheese from a nearby cheese shop and my meat from a butcher. I am not sure that the meat is all that much better but it isn't on little styrofoam trays and  I can get whatever I need and have it cut to specification. I just tell the nice woman what I am preparing (beef bourguignon, enchiladas, stir fry...) and she cuts it for the meal/number of people. The price ends up about the same so I do tend to go to the butcher more than I ever did in Switzerland or the US.

Fiona and I walked into the butcher yesterday to get some fresh chicken breast. We walked up to the counter and Fiona asked me what we were getting - I pointed to the chicken breast. Fiona exclaimed - 'how sweet - look at the little rabbit using the chicken as a pillow!' In fact a fully, de-skined, stightly bloody, head-still-attached, guts-falling-out rabbit was resting his eyeless head on the chicken breast. My first thought was 'great...rabbit blood on my nice clean chicken breast' - Fiona began her examiniation of the rabbit. She decided the head was a bit ugly - she wanted to know what happened to the eyes...so of course a conversation with the lady behind the counter began. Who takes the eyes out? What do you do with them? Can you eat the head? How does it taste? We finally decided that the legs looked good to eat but we might leave the rest for someone else...

I have vivid childhood memories of seeing rabbits hanging in the windows of butchers in the North End of Boston. This was unpleasant. It scared me. I still feel the pain. As a child I could never have faced that rabbit Fiona looked at so quizzically the other day.

Here the kids know where the food comes from. They take field trips to the farm and the teacher explains what is going to happen to the baby cows. We were even told where we could buy the local meat... They see the milk truck. They see the corn growing in the fields that feeds the animals. They see that people keep chickens and ducks not just as pets but as a source of food. I don't think I was ever exposed to this as a child. Sure - we picked fruit and had a vegetable garden but the animals were a different story. We didn't raise them in suburbia. 

-----

I was (and still may be) a picky eater as child. If it wasn't Burger King I wasn't having it. McDonalds? No way. Those pickles were awful. Roy Rogers? Maybe.... I was not pleasant to take out to eat - I don't remember having fits but I was quite picky. Today I took Fiona out to lunch. The kids menu was veal in a cream sauce with mushrooms, vegetables and fries on the side. We started with an amuse bouche of pea soup and aubergine toasts. She was delighted and enjoyed the meal. I take no credit for this. I would have sat sadly for 1.5 hours with a piece of bread at the age of six. I am not sure if it is the fact that she was in a nursery a couple days a week where all the kids were expected to try everything - and the women made an interesting array of foods. Maybe she just has different taste buds...but I am contiually amazed at what she (and Seth - although to a lesser extent) will consider eating. We passed on frogs legs - we have had them in the past and didn't like them - and I decided to have a nice duck filet. She enjoyed trying a bit of it - something I never would have considered as a child. 

-----

Keeping with the theme of animals - my kids are fascinated by road kill. The think it is cool. I gag. I avoid. I don't look. I am continually removing dead birds from interesting places - the neighborhood cats have a great time in our yard - and I can't take it. Just the other day we were walking home and the kids spotted a fox that had been hit by a car - and then repeatedly run over for a few hours. - How cool. Look at his head! Poor foxy! How do you think he got hit? Where was he going?  I felt like I was going to be sick... 

-----

Finally there are large animals.

Fiona loves horses. She has been taking introductory lessons for six months now. After lunch on Wednesday she is already suited up in her gear an ready to go. Fiona started life with a fear of all animals - small dogs caused her to cry. Birds freaked her out. But little by little she has become one with animals - she still has a healthy fear of animals - as one should - but now she is comfortable enough to take care of a horse and do a bit of horse riding. What she doesn't know is that horses tend to freak me out a  bit - I have learned I can get close and not worry too much but as a child I really didn't enjoy being around horses. All the stinky poo and dirt too! Fiona doesn't seemed bothered one bit. And of course I still can't bring myself to eat horse...

-----

I am not sure what all this means - if anything. Maybe they feel this way because they are growing up in a less-suburban place than we are used to. If we lived in the countryside in the US I am fairly certain they would be getting a similar experience. Maybe it is because we are in France. Maybe it is them. Maybe they are just less squeamish than their dad.

 

carnaval

Today the kids participated in the school 'Carnaval' celebration...

This is one of the few times per year that parents are allowed to get involved at school - we are called in for the back to school information night (just the facts - no fun), Christmas Market, Carnaval and the end of year spectacle. I try to volunteer for other things - like field trips - but it is rare that the teachers want us parents around...  School is school and home is home - the two are not meant to mix. We made the mistake of trying to get involved in our 'very American way' and now I have been asked to spend an afternoon presenting 'America - its culture, people and traditions  to the kids of the village. That will be another blog post. Our kids are the only English speakers in the school and for many of the people in the village - the first Americans they have ever met. So they are all very interested - sort of like we are the pandas at the zoo or something...I don't get it. Its hard to get them to admit it but the French really are enamored with our culture. They hate some of the things we do - but at the end of the day they really love us.

Back to Carnaval. Kids and adults both get to dress up and act like fools for a few days here. In Germany the celebrations have been going on for a few days. Back in Basel the excitement of Fasnacht (which I have posted about before) gets going next week. And it is serious tradition with groups that practice for months leading up to parades that last for days on end. Truly one of the highlights of Basel culture. 

Here in the Alsace there is a mix of traditions - there have been a number of celebrations leading up to Fasnacht but given the proximity to Basel next week is the big scene. I'm not even sure what goes on in the rest of France but I can tell you that many of the kids had very Swiss/Basler costumes today during our parade through town. But there is also a mix of something else here - confetti. I have to say I was a bit turned off by the fact that some of the kids were throwing mixed colored confetti - they sell it that way in the stores - totally not cool in Basel. Mixed color confetti is not allowed because it may be reclaimed confetti from the street. Yesterday I winessed some kids picking up the confetti from an earlier parade and bagging it for future use. If I were Swiss those kids would have lost a hand. Totally banned in Basel. Probably the worst thing you could do during Fasnacht. 

Of course the work at school has been leading up to this. Fiona has been reading about the 'Arlequin Prince de Carnaval' (I love to say 'har-le-qwin' and watch her get so upset and then insist that I say it with a French accent) The kids have both had to memorize Carnaval poems. We were asked to bring in Carnaval related snacks for the kids. I do enjoy that the school subject (for Fiona mostly) revolve around the season. We have been through Autumn, Christmas and now Carnaval. 

Both Seth and Fiona decided to wear their new Colonial Williamsburg costumes (thanks Auntie Melissa)  for the parade. 

Seth as a pirate/revolutionary - 

Fiona as a colonial girl... and a friend (the biggest boy in 1st grade) dressed as a pink pig. 

One of the other mothers asked me if Fiona was a character from the 'little farm show in America'. ?? I asked if it was a new show (maybe a reality series I missed). No - she was talking about a show from her childhood - the 70's/80's... ?? What? I thought for a minute - looked at Fiona and then. A-ha. Little House on the Prairie! That was it. The kids had told everyone they were 'traditional Americans' - so I can see where the pioneer thoughts came from.

During the parade someone asked if we celebrated Carnaval in America. Fiona looked puzzled. She said she had lived here for her whole life and didn't know if we did anything for Carnaval in America. I explained that in New Orleans Mardi Gras was a big deal but not quite the cultural celebration that Carnaval is here.

Two things struck me during this conversation.

First - my kid has no idea of what goes on in her own culture. I am pretty sure she knows that we do Thanksgiving and that there is a hot day in the summer for fireworks (both France and Switzerland have those days too) but otherwise she really doesn't know exactly what goes on in America. I try to let her in on American things - I swear. But at the end of the day she is growing up in France watching BBC television. She does crave the tv show Arthur - so I guess that teaches her a thing or two about America but outside that it is up to us. Oh no! I am not 100 percent sure that she gets the whole idea of national identity.

Second - most of our American dress up fun is covered by Halloween... Kids here (and my kids) have memories of Carnaval dress up whereas in America my dress up memories are associated with Halloween. My kids do go out at Halloween and they have fun but it isn't shared in the local culture. So why don't we celebrate Carnaval in the US and why do we celebrate Halloween? Is Carnaval too religious for the US? I hear Halloween has run into some trouble lately in the US for being religious or inappropriate or something that might be bad for kids at school. Would Carnaval go over well? As long as the kids are having fun I can't argue with it...

After the parade the kids were allowed to run wild in the school yard while one of the mothers made crêpes. We all had confetti stuffed into the inner reaches of our costumes

and another school milestone was marked.

 

 

 

late winter

Winter hit late this year but it hit us hard. Until a few weeks ago we didn't have a flake of snow and then...

Plenty of snow for the kids. Not tons but enough for the kids to get out and enjoy it.

Now I don't mind a bit of snow but it was accompanied by some of the coldest temperatures on record here - below 0 (32f) for a couple of a weeks. Rare for these parts... Some days around -20 (-4f)

Needless to say we had trouble - a frozen pipe - not in our house but the supply to the 'never ending construction' that is our guest house. This was on the heels of a brand new circuit breaker that melted causing the toilet pump to malfunction in turn causing a flood. After a series of repairmen and extra euros all seems to be in order for now...

The kids loved the snow - we have a wonderful sledding hill that they spent many hours going up and down, up and down...

But now the snow is all gone. Melted away... its almost starting to feel like spring. 

cultural lessons - raising american kids in france

Decided to try and revisit the blog... So many random things happen here in France - I really should jotting down the story - but as usual time is at a premium around here. So I will just try note some crazy experience from the day/week/month as I can.

The kids are 1.5 years into French school which has been quite an enlightening experience for all of us. They have found their way and have made plenty of friends. It has been an adjustment for everyone - in so many ways. I will never 100 percent understand French culture but having our kids (and therefore the family) immersed linguistically and culturally through school and friends has given me an interesting view on the culture - and how it compares to my own American culture.

What got me to thinking about the blog was all the fuss about French parenting that has been in the news following from the book Bringing Up Bébé. I haven't read the book yet but it basically details the strict nature of French parenting and the well beahved kids. I must say the commentary on the book has been interesting - quite a bit from people who seem to know nothing about France. Much of the book (as many books on France) seems to draw on the Parisian experience of an expat. In fact, I even feel a bit silly stating an opinion on something that I observe on a daily basis but do not have the true cultural insight to understand.  But I will say that I find parents here do fall on the side of strict and the kids (in front of adults) are quite well behaved in many situations.

Just as the author, I do see some differences. We (Americans) are soft on our kids. Yes I threaten. Yes I take things away. But this doesn't come close to what I have seen with many of Seth and Fiona's friends. The expectations are high. Good behavior/manners/respect are all requirements. And it is up to all adults to make sure that the kids follow through on the good behavior. I regularly have the kids' friends over for lunch and I always ask the parents what they will eat - or if there is anything that they might not like to eat. The answer is always the same - they will eat what you serve them - and this is true (for the most part...none of the French kids I have over will eat avocado or guacamole..they try but the result is always the same - total disgust). They parents also give me free license to discipline the kids and they mean it. And the kids know that other adults will discipline if need be. 

It seems that much of society here is on the same page when it comes to parenting - or at least being strict when needed. Seth was recently invited to a birthday party - he was quite looking forward to it. The day before the party the boy's mother was standing at the school gate explaining that the party had to be postponed and handing out apology letters. Quite nice of her I thought. I asked if the boy was feeling OK (assuming he was sick). She gave me a puzzled look. I quickly read the note which was quite lengthy but the crux was 'il m'a insultée et manqué de respect'. He disrespected her? So I asked what he did. 'He said a bad word...' she responded. I didn't dare ask what the word was. I have always threated 'I will cancel your party!!!' but have never had the balls to follow through. I was amazed that this woman actually followed through on something like this. All of the other parents were in agreement and nobody (except the kids) was very upset about the two week party delay. I asked one other mom if she thought it was harsh - she said 'Of course not - it is great that she did that. How else will he learn to respect his parents'. Of course I know plenty of strict English speaking parents who follow through with the threats and have very strict boundaries but it just doesn't seem as widespread in the US as it does here - or maybe that is just my perception. I doubt I could ever cancel a birthday party the before...

This is just one of the many times I have seen parents here get so serious with kids - be it their own kids or other kids. I had to get into it with a little boy who had punched Seth in the face so hard he drew blood. I wasn't sure what to do but I had witnessed other parents shake up (not physically - but close) kids and give them a good scare after an episode of bad behavior. And then there are the teachers...don't even get me started. There are certainly some serious boundaries in the classroom - and if you step out of line you are in some dangerous territory.

I am not sure how I feel about all this. Is there a balance? Do kids here grow up with too much fear? Do we let our kids get away with too much? Are the French too strict? I sometimes feel like I am too strict with the kids but these people make me look like Captain Kangaroo...  Does this happen in the US? I haven't really had any parenting experience in the US so I have very little to compare it to... I guess we will continue to learn in our own way.

 

 

ecole

In 2010 the kids had - by far - the most challenging transition ever. We took them out of their nice, cozy loving English language based school and thrust them into the cruel world of French public education. It wasn’t an easy decision but after some thought we decided it was best that the kids attend the local village school. At ages (just) 5 and 7 we figured that the kids still had a window to assimilate with the French students and learn the language. After a year we realize that Seth is just about at the maximum age to make the transition. It is a very strict system and there is little tolerance – or maybe time - for those who don’t conform to the system. I know this varies from region to region, village to village, teacher to teacher but we are in a situation where it wouldn’t have worked at age 9, 10 or beyond. We have been lucky this year. I wouldn’t say the kids are close to fluent in French but they can certainly get by very wellor even a bit more. They have made friends, done well academically and put in a huge effort to learn the language.

Maternelle

It is a funny little school. Fiona is in what they call the ‘Maternelle’. It consists of petite, moyenne and grande sections. She came in as a grande and pretty much reviewed some preschool work while adding to skills. Much like kindergarten but surrounded by smaller kids. She was in a ‘mixed class’ of nearly 30 kids – both grande and moyenne. This environment provided Fiona with plenty of play time where she could pick up the language in context. From day one Fiona seemed quite happy. She even had an English speaking friend from the village in her class – this made her feel quite comfortable. It is a strict environment – no question about it. But Fiona has asked questions all year long and has become quite comfortable with her maitresses. She even passed the entrance exam to first grade. These results will remain in her file for life now… Seriously they have a file that starts at age 3. There was an in class assessment that she did quite well on - and then I had to take her to a larger town to meet with a doctor/nurse team who asked her a number of questions (lifestyle, math, science, health, matching, rhyming, etc.) We got off to a rough start – she couldn’t name any colors. Then I realized Fiona and I were speaking English to each other but we were both speaking in French to the nurse. As soon as Fiona and I switched to French (although I was using bad French in a bad accent) she perked up and was able to answer all the questions and did quite well. I find that Fiona needs to be in one language or the other – she really doesn’t like to use both at the same time.

Primaire

At the Maternelle level the school serves three villages – ours included. But when moving up the ecole primaire where Seth is studying - each town has its own school. We arrived to sign Seth up for the first day of school and the directress seemed stressed. Seth was going into a huge class. 10 kids. Wow I thought – great student teacher ratio… Then we found out that there are only two teachers in the school for the five grades – they basically divided the kids up into two groups based on age and voila. Ecole.

Seth was placed into the third grade (France uses calendar year to divide up grades). So over the summer he went from first grade in English right on to third grade in French. I tried explaining to the teacher (Madame L) that this wouldn’t work. But no. He had to remain in CE2 (the equivalent of third grade) on orders from someone in the education office at the sous-prefecture. Once he failed we could make a case for holding him back. She admitted that Seth was the first English speaking child she had ever taught and that she herself spoke very limited English. No special programs were available and she made it clear it was our job to teach him French. Her job was to teach French children – not teach children how to speak French. This of course was all in French – as she had also been given orders to speak to us only in French and never use English. We all celebrated two weeks later when Seth failed so miserably that he was brought into CE1 (second grade). Nothing like celebrating failure to move ahead with something. The teacher literally moved him from the CE2 row over to the CE1 row. Now he was between the CP (first grade) and CE2 (third grade). We agreed to start him with a tutor to supplement his language acquisition.

Transition

I think school was more of a shock for Seth. It is a far stricter environment than he is used to. Structure, order and memorization are the keys to success. At least he came in with one of the keys…. Our first hurdle was handwriting. I think his teacher said something like ‘your son writes like an animal. Actually a wild animal’ and we left it at that. Writing drills became routine. Math was harder and faster. Silence was required. PE consisted of running around the building faster and faster – avoiding roots in the dirt path and cracks in the blacktop. None of the kids spoke a word of English.

Seth was distressed and things were rough. About a month in he claimed he couldn’t understand anything and wouldn’t do any work. After an intervention at school and home, plus moving him next to the smartest girl in the class, things started to look up. The more he could understand the higher his confidence and soon he was scoring TB (and tres bien) and B+ on his grammar tests. Every week at school they have a grammar rule – last week was ‘regle 22G l’adjectif qualificatif’. Memorizing has always been his strength. Soon he was passing spelling tests – although the first time he did the teacher accused him of cheating. She didn’t think he was ready for the test and didn’t give him the list. I was able to get the spelling list from another mother and he memorized the words (in English too) and passed the test. Then it was on to dictees and auto-dictees (a dictation in which the teacher simply says ‘go’ and the students must write what they have memorized the day before). Poems were memorized, songs were sung (including the theme from Weeds). He even counted past eighty. Explaining to Seth that 99 was said “four twenties ten nine” was not an easy task. He made friends – people were interested in learning English and talking to him about the US. The kids were amazing with him – they really took him on as a project and helped him learn. I went on one of the school outings with the entire school and found that it was more like a family (about half of the kids are cousins).

Seth even got into trouble at school the other day for messing around with friends in class. Nothing serious – that tells me he is doing OK. His punishment was quite interesting - he had to write ‘I will not play in class’ ten times and have me sign it. He saw it is a bad thing – I saw it as more handwriting practice. The teacher has told me that he is quite well behaved – after meeting some of the other kids it really shouldn’t be too hard for him. One of his classmates gets ‘sent to the principal’s office’ at least twice a week. Interestingly the school is basically two classrooms – and no principal’s office. I asked Seth about ‘the principal’ and it seems the kids get sent to the mayor’s office or they get a talking to by the religion teacher.

It has been a year of ups and downs. Both kids have been challenged as have Aimee and I. The schedule has been a major challenge… The kids are in school in the morning and afternoon but spend two hours at home for lunch. And of course there is no school on Wednesdays. And in our village substitute teachers are about as rare as say a good bagel or standard size appliances. If the teacher (or the teacher’s kid) is sick – NO SCHOOL!

I am truly shocked and surprised at what kids can take. I think both can understand French fairly well now. Not fluent but leaps and bounds ahead of where they were in September. Both have made some close friends and have been invited to plenty of parties and playdates. Very different playdates for the kids - dropped Seth off at a friends house one time and the family was quite excited since the 'colza' harvest was in and they were going to their farm to watch the colza being pressed into oil...and check out the new tractor.

And Seth is no longer writing like a savage beast – more like a pet cat or dog. When discussing Fiona with Seth’s teacher (Fiona AND Seth will be in Madame L’s class next year) I warned her that she might have another handwriting challenge on her hands. ‘Mais Non!’ She said… ‘Handwriting won’t be a problem as she is learning our beautiful French cursive in Maternelle.’ (Not your silly anglo-scratch) I didn’t think my writing was that bad. Next year should be interesting with Fiona in CP (first grade) and Seth in CE2 (third grade). I am glad to know that the row of six CE1 kids will separate them… They have strict instructions to NOT speak English at school...I wonder what sort of punishment the teacher will come up with if they do speak in English. We’ll see how things go next year.